1. Please don’t tantrum when we have to go home.
2. Please stop tantrumming. . . . we have to go home.
3. Please just stop tantrumming.
4. I wonder where that child’s mom is? *cranes neck very obviously*
5. Snot. Shit. Snot. Shit. Snot. This is my life now.
6. I’ma be a health food goddess today – salmon, brown rice and kale alllll day err day.
7. Oh you’re done with your fries honey? I guess if they’re gonna go to waste…
8. I totally have enough time to run back to the table, take a sip of coffee and run back to catch her as she comes down the slide. #nailedit
9. I wonder where that kid’s mom is…?
10. WHERE THE FUCK ARE THESE KIDS’ MOMS?
11. Whose kid is screaming? Shit, it’s mine.
12. Share. Share. Just fucking SHARE! It’s not that hard you little punks!
13. Look at all those moms sitting on their asses while their kids climb up the slides.
14. Shit, my kid’s climbing up the slide.
15. I’ll wait until midday to go home so she falls asleep in the car. Transfer to cot. And . . .couch, hot chocolate, Kardashians. Win.
16. Entry? $6. Grilled cheese that gets thrown on the ground? $7.50. Coffee that goes cold? $4. Watching my kid snatch shit off other kids and cry non-stop? My sanity.
17. Have kids they said. It will be fucking awesome they said. THEY WERE ALL WRONG.
18. We’re in the car. It’s OK. We’re totally going home. I’m free, I’m free, I’m fucking freeeeeee! Wait where’s the baby bag? Shit…
Marina is a freelance writer living in Melbourne. She splits her days between the written word and (s)mothering her toddler. She has previously been published on Scary Mommy, Mamalode, and Good Mother Project. Visit her website, Slay-at-Home-Mum, to connect with her and read more of her work.
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