Every Moment I Have with You

robinpack (1)Dear Mom,

I realized that I don’t take enough time to tell you just how much I appreciate all that you have done and continue to do for me.

So today I want to rectify that!

Growing up, I took it for granted that you would always be there for me. And you never let me down on that. Every scraped knee (and there was a lot of them since I only had boy cousins to play with!), you were there to put that icky, burning iodine on it and a band aid. When the others didn’t want to play with me, (because apparently they thought I was a brat…humph!) you would always pull out something exciting that they could only get through including me. And when boys would break my heart, you didn’t just wipe the tears; you told me what huge scumbags they were!

Growing up, I didn’t know we were poorer than dirt. To me, the greatest days were spent playing outside or riding around with Grandpa in his big red and white Dodge truck. I didn’t understand that the whole reason we lived with Grandma and Grandpa was because you had made the choice to save my life before I was ever born. Through the years I overheard bits and pieces of how brutal my father had been to you and that the night you finally had the courage to leave him you ran, at 8 months pregnant, to save your unborn child. So to say that I owe my life to you is a great understatement.

I know that at times I was a contrary teenager. But looking back, you handled my outbursts with grace and dignity. At least I didn’t end up in a home for wayward children, like you so often threatened. (I see now where I got that threat from!) And I never felt the need to dye my hair electric blue and pierce my nose four times to get your attention. Even working a full time job, you always managed to have time for me.

Once I became a wife and mom, I started understanding more of who you really are. It was when I looked into the face of my sweet precious newborn that I had an inkling of what you must have felt when you became a mom. But I did not know the fear that surrounded you when you had me, not knowing if my father was going to swoop in and steal me. I came to the realization that you were so much stronger and braver than I would ever be. I began to look at you as my super-hero, even though your cape had been torn by years of abuse. It was during these first years of my marriage that I came to understand just how unselfish you are, always giving the last bit of your energy to helping others who most of the time did not deserve your help. I watched as some of these people took advantage of your generous nature and when I would question you as to why you still helped, you would only say that it was the right thing to do.

You began to transform from my mother into my best friend.

I talk to you several times a day on the phone. And through it all you have remained, at least in my mind, as someone so strong, so courageous, and indestructible. Imagine my shock when you had to leave in an ambulance, unconscious. The shock of hearing the doctor say you might not pull out of it. The desperation of seeing you on a ventilator and knowing that you could be brain damaged if you did make it. And there was nothing I could do to fix it! I was helpless, out of control.

Although I held it together (because you taught me to be strong in the face of a crisis) once I got home I broke. I cried, I prayed, I cried some more. There was just no way I would ever be able to go on without you. And luckily for us, God heard our prayers and you made it out of that hospital fully intact.

Which brings us to the here and now. Once again you are in the hospital. The doctors say that this will be the way it is from now on. I know now that you are not immortal, but that doesn’t change the fact that I want you to be. My head knows this, but my heart obviously does not. I know that I cannot keep you forever because Heaven will soon be requesting your presence. But in the meantime, I plan to enjoy every moment I have with you and not take them for granted. I love you with every beat of my heart Mom, and I thank you for raising me as a strong, courageous woman.


cropped bio pic2Robin a Christian, wife, mother, Nana, sister, daughter, fur-kid mama, and keeper of the chaos. I am a book lover, writing enthusiast, lifelong learner, craftaholic, and planner addict. Coffee gets me going and chocolate keeps me sane. Want to know more? Visit her at her blog or on Twitter or Instagram.

 


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