We know you were elated when you found out about each one of us. We were, too. Your heart beating in soothing rhythm and your warmth filled up our tiny growing souls. We knew we were loved from the very beginning right ’till the end. Even though we were a part of you and you a part of us for a such a short time we cannot wait for the day we get to embrace you. Unfortunately, our time with you was meant to be cut short. You won’t be able to find out why until the day we meet, we wish we could tell you now. Maybe it could ease your pain if you knew.
You would love it here. The colors, the sounds, Jesus. We are in the safest place that we can be. We are happy, although it makes us sad when we see you cry for us. Dry those tears mama. Jesus has a place for all of us, you’ll see. Go on living. Enjoy our brother and sisters. Love them as you loved us. Tell them we can’t wait to see and play with them either. And Dada. Oh Dada, tell him we would have loved to be held by him. We see all the fun games he plays with the rest. Time is different here and we are patient, try to be patient as well, Mama. Focus on life now. What is in front of you. When we are finally together it will feel as if no time had passed at all. We love you and we are waiting.
My heart aches for you each and every day. My mind wanders frequently in the fantasy that you might have been with us. What would have labor been like? How would it have felt with when we finally got to see how God had made you be. Your hair colors, your eye colors, your personalities.
One of the many things that my body still groans over is not being able to have you drink of my sweet milk that would have flowed for you all. To feel your skin against mine and as you drank and our bodies becoming one and nurturing each others’ hearts and souls.
I know you are in great care, but I am selfish and wish that He would have allowed us to know you here. Waiting has made me wither some days. The pain, unbearable. And the questioning even more so. Why, oh Lord could we not have been a family here, altogether? Will I ever know? Does it even matter in the end?
In a way, I am relieved to know that you will not have to go through the pain of living in the flesh but have only known the joy of where you are now. When I think of when my time comes to arrive home, there you all will be, standing next to Him. Will it be Jesus that I embrace first? Will it be you? Or will it be all of us, finally all together?
To my dear Eden, Ezra, and Elijah, we miss you. We all long to have known you. We all cannot wait to run and play and be whole again. My last words to you as I close this letter are this:
I am not just a mama of three, I am a mama of six, and I always will be. Miss you every day and have loved you and will always love you. Till we meet, face to face.
What a glorious day that will be.
I’m Shannon. I’m a learning-every-day, relying-on-grace type mama to three beautiful children here on earth and three waiting for me to return home. You will find our family exploring life together inside our home, however, the outdoors is where our passions and hearts lay as we discover new mountains to climb and nature to explore. Follow me on my blog, Adventurous Mama, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
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