Comfortable in My Skin as a Mother

girl-872149_640The security of feeling comfort in my skin comes in many forms. It can relate to clothing, body shape, hair, skin, makeup, enhancements, actions, parenting, words, environment, or education.

This comfort and self-regard have become even stronger as a mother. Motherhood is not the sole factor—age, childhood, and experiences also play a role.

My actions transfer over to my children. I want them to feel secure in their skin. I want them to understand internal pride for their actions. I want them to own their decisions and understand priorities in life.

I am comfortable with gray hairs.

Because I cannot prevent it. If it shows my age, then be it. I am not embarrassed by my age—the color in my hair, the lines on my face, the spots on my body show that I have lived. The age marks don’t define me, hold me back, or give me insecurities. I don’t want my kids to regularly see me dying, plucking, tweezing, shaving, or picking to transform myself to media standards.

I am comfortable not wearing makeup.

Because I like to think it is a coming-of-age-thing—when you realize what you look like is not as important as your actions and your participation in life. I don’t want “body prep” to be a time-consumer. And I don’t want my children to watch me and think it is more important than they are.

I am comfortable dressing comfortably.

Because…I want to say just because I stay-at-home and it fits that stereotype, but it is not just at home. My choices transfer over to my children—be comfortable and purposeful. Yes, some events might cause for dressing up. But it isn’t every day, and these aren’t priorities in life—material possessions, covering my face, doing my hair. Our priorities include being kind, helping others, and living mindfully.

I am comfortable being naked.

Because our bodies are natural; every body is imperfect and unique. This increases self-esteem, raises questions, and decreases body-shaming. Our bodies support us through life, and we need to encourage love of the body. This creates boundaries and a healthy understanding of our anatomy.

I am comfortable sharing my fears.

Because this demonstrates vulnerability. Exposing fears leads to conversations that are full of truth and encourages my children to question the world. It also sets a tone of empathy and teaches my kids that they are not alone; they are loved, and fears are not embarrassing.

I am comfortable being a stay-at-home mom.

Because I had a choice. I own it and love it—a majority of the time. I am open with my children about this choice they sometimes take for granted. This openness leads us to more topics of conversations (money, education, priorities) that never end. I am satisfied with my role during this time of our lives.

I am comfortable if my children aren’t always perfect.

Because this happens at some point, nobody is perfect. They are children, and I will not let their emotional irrationalities embarrass me. I will not let the thought of others judging me break my spirit.

I am comfortable saying no.

Because this increases time with my children. Saying no to housework, phone calls, girls night out, play dates, or activities all give us more family time. Saying no to my children creates boundaries or rules. Saying no shows priorities. Having children is not a social competition—It is a sacred time that fades away too fast.

I am comfortable just being.

I am comfortable in my skin. I am not just a woman. I am not just a wife, a friend, or a daughter. There are so many elements of actions and labels that make each one of us who we are. It is not just our skin; it is our compassion, love, time, and words. I am comfortable in the skin I have built and continue to support.



Stefani Boutelier is a mother, writer, and educator. She is trying to rear her children with the greatest sense of humor and an open mind. She has been published on MockMom, TODAY Parenting, and Three Line Poetry. You can also find her at, @stefboutelier, or




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